WARNING: read the information on the Warning Page before continuing
You have heard of a myriad of "isms" out there such as fascism, communism, Buddhism, capitalism, and others. We now introduce one more, HARLEYISM! This is a unique compilation of American blue-collar attitudes, political philosophy and non-politically correct humor to both edify and entertain you.
I am an opinionated grandfather trying to do what I can to help America become a better place for my grandchildren. To tell the truth, political correctness is in fact, bondage to fear. "I am making a major political issue of FREEDOM from political correctness. I intend to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.
I have decided to compile the following list of Harleyisms for a number of good reasons, to wit:
- As an American citizen, I have chosen to vigorously exercise my God-given right to free speech guaranteed by the First Amendment. (You got a problem with that?)
- As an Irishman, I really love to both drink and fight; telling jokes comes in a close third
- As a former stand-up comic and stag party master-of-ceremonies, I am certain of my God-given talent to make people laugh and therefore classify Harleyisms to be good, both good and positive (not to mention outrageous)
- With all the massive quantities of political correctness out there, I feel that the initial dose (shock troops) of non-political correctness, Harleyisms, should be both big and strong
- Please note every race creed religion national origin sexual orientation and stereotype (even my tribes, Irishmen & bikers) have been non-discriminately selected to be the butt-end of Harleyisms.
- I did it to entertain and amuse my future constituents, not to piss anybody off
- I want to present myself as a much different "Candid Candidate" from the politically correct lawyers now dominating political circles. Perhaps then multitudes of righteous citizens ( particularly the hoards of my currently unregistered blue-collar brothers) will become politically active and help me fight for the futures of our grandchildren with tremendous passion motivated by love.
- I believe Harleyisms to be a splendid weapon against the vile bondage of political correctness. (i.e. Harleyisms are the children of Freedom, what America stands for.)
- As a strong natural leader I did it to set an example for others to also become bold
- And last but not least, I did it for the Hell of it. God Bless America
The Harleyisms Follow
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 40?
- A man without a woman is like a dog without a leash
Why does only one sperm cell get to the target?
Because all the other hundreds of millions are too macho too ask for directions
- The truth is often not pretty and pretty words are often not true
- I was preparing my income tax and thought "thank God we don't get all the government we pay for!"
- Burn up all of the gas - That's the American way - God Bless America
- Register Communists, not firearms. That means domestic enemies of the United States Constitution such as Bloomberg, Schumer and Pelosi
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
You can only put one dirt-bag on a Hoover.
- A while back I visited Israel and discovered the REAL reason Jewish men get circumcised - Because Jewish women won't touch anything that is not at least 20% off
- Loud pipes save lives
If the three ideals of military service are "Duty, honor and
country", then what are the three R's of politics?
"Raises, Revenge and Re-election"
- Chrome won't get you home
- Gun control means hitting your target. (Editors Note: I recommend "Gun control is accomplished by a firm grip with both hands")
- Democrats piss me off
Eschew obfuscation and magniloquence means -
don't use big words
Did you know that Jesus is an Irishman? Here is proof:
He didn't leave home until he was 30
He hung out with twelve guys - everybody drank
He had no visible means of support
And, his mother thought he was God
- The first law of demolition - "Get a bigger hammer"
Bio-financial question: What is the difference between men government
Government bonds mature after 30 years.
- The difference between the IRS and a whore is that a whore will quit screwing you after your dead
Why wasn't Jesus born in Poland?
They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
- A man's house is his hassle
How do you properly address a biker when he is wearing a
"The defendant will now stand"
- Army = A - ren't R - eally M - arines Y - et
Why is it required that all Coast Guard personnel be at least six feet tall?
So if the ship sinks they can wade ashore
- U. S. Navy Seabees: Can Do! The difficult we do immediately, the impossible may take a bit longer.
- Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself
- Never send a Marine where you can send a bullet and Always send the biggest bullet you've got
- Trident - when you care enough to send the very best
New proposed motto for the Veteran's Administration
"Nothing is too good for our fighting men - so give them nothing"
Millions on welfare depend on you
How can you tell when an Arab reaches the age of maturity?
He takes the diaper off his ass and plops it right on his head.
Diapers are like bosses
Always on your ass and usually full of shit
Why does Mexico have such a lousy Olympic Team?
Anybody that can run swim or jump is already north of the border
I can't stand government officials using the following cop-outs:
"On going investigation, no comment" & "I'll get back to you on that matter"
What is a seven course meal to an Irishman?
A six pack and a potato
Have you heard about the new regulation the Pope has made for the entire Roman Catholic Church?
It is now OK for a priest to kiss a nun, just so long as he doesn't get into the habit
- I hear a lot of noise from the various pundits, newscasters and party members regarding the Democrats, liberals, centrists conservatives, Republicans and etc. It seems that the noise gets deafening along about October and November on even numbered years. It makes no sense at all to me because when they get elected nearly all seem to be of one of two the two basic types of politicians, Bitches and Sons of Bitches.
Riding a Jap bike is like f_cking a faggot
I guess it feels OK until somebody sees you doing it & you sure as hell don't tell your buddies about it the next day
- God, how I wish we had picked our own cotton
- Hang-up and drive
- Thank you for not inhaling while I smoke
- If you never owned a bike you are not a biker
- Women should come with instructions
- I am not afraid to go fast, it's the crashing and burning that sucks
- Rehab is for quitters
- If you want more inches - stroke it
- My Helmet, My Choice
- I'm sorry if my ride is interfering with your phone call
Message to a liberal:
"Your proctologist called, he found your head"
- If it has Tits or Tires you will have Trouble with it
Irate letter to National Weather Bureau:
"Dear Sirs; I have just finished shoveling three feet of 'partly cloudy' off of my driveway"
- A Jap will out Jew a Jew but a Chinaman will get the Jap's socks
A tisket, a tasket,
A condom or a casket
How can you tell if an Irishman is queer?
He prefers Women to Whiskey